...The notes grew out of (as a separate "thing" themselves, the Pre-Notes below the notes actually took place while the other things were developing) not being able to write 2D, 3D, 4D, 5D Thinking Made Simple anymore due to traveling and school (University) so I was reduced to jotting down just notes about 4D space, and later other things, in seemingly random order and now I am separating it. I bought colored markers and circle things, blue for space, green for time, magenta for politics, brown for growth, orange for dimensions, etc. Where many of these colors combine on certain sections, I have considered those to be better or even (gasp) possibly coherent or accurate, and have put those ones here in the edited version, "All Good Things", below. I have also decided to put the brown ones here too as they are about growth. The raw ones also listed here beneath the edited ones contains all the groups or all types of notes as written in order (they follow trains of thought which overlap in ways that cannot really be separated or can be separated any number of ways, still trying to figure out categorizations) and even ones not worthy of even one colored circle. ...Notes: Original Index page
Summer 2004
(Note on Notes: Not all of them are about 5D, or even 4D. They are about what I was thinking at the time, though most relate to the same problem in different ways. As it says near the end of Part One, "Sometimes or from some angles, things just seem to arise together and causality is but a myth." Some of it IS geometrical, but some philosophical, some political (well I am a POL/SCI major), but most of it seems to blend together somehow, at least to me.
(Note after note on notes: After leaving Maui, things have been too chaotic to finish 2D, 3D, 4D, 5D Thinking Made Simple. It literally would gobble up my whole time and awareness to sort through it. The first section was written in a day non-stop literally from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep. The humor began with section two because I really did not wish to return to writing it after what it did to me the day before. I had blisters (I prefer to use pens). I had way too much I should have been doing else, and hated going back to working on it. I knew it was a black hole time-wise, and again, absolutely loathed working on it but also could not not, so the humor was basically to cheer me up along the way. I cannot afford time-wise to give over that much of my life at once to such a project, so while traveling and preparing for school I have been jotting down notes on 5D which is where it was heading to after 4D was winding down. Inventor was brought back briefly from the dead (after I missed my flight and had a few extra days) to explain trispinning or spinning on 3 axis's at once but never got around to it. I would not want to spoil his batting average by going back to it without adequate time, and because 5D will be a lot harder to explain, though I do regret not doing trispinning. Trispinning is cool.)
What must be said about some of these notes. Don't expect some parts (there are many different types of notes) to make much sense. Some are just bits and pieces of thought. Some makes actual sense but 5 dimensions of space or 4 dimensions of space plus time does not seem to make a lot of sense, even when it is written correctly and explained well. ...5D Notes: First Explanation
Early 2004
After reading many blogs on Blogspot.com, I decided to do my own. I have had web sites before, even had and lost my own name as a domain to domain-name-thieves (vultures I call them) when changing domain registrars, and eventually got it back (it was no longer valuable enough for them to steal it). Since I had lost my own name as a domain, I started Polsci.com which was my way of posting my school papers from Estonia and Sweden (Polsci/Political Sociology major), poems, and blog-like thoughts called The Notes, which continue to this day and some of which may appear here. ...First post, and an explanation how it got here and why,
7/28/06, jareddubois.blogspot.com (jareddubois.com)
The easiest way to understand it, curved 3D space, would be to have one earth you would see normally, plus another outside of it, the same one of course, inverted backwards opposed to it, and every single point on a 'ball' or curved 2D plane of points half way in-between the Earths would be exactly the same spot. I was pretty full of myself for figuring that out, and since when leaving Lithuania I would be walking into a relatively unknown and potentially very precarious situation, I posted everything I figured out, all of what would later be called the 5D notes done up until that date (Part 1), to two physics newsgroups in January 2004 before I got on the plane, and figured anyone trying to figure out what I was doing would at least have something interesting to read. If any of it made any sense, someone somewhere would figure it out. Much of what I was doing was inter-connected, at least to me at the time. ...
When I had time many months later, over the summer of 2005, I finally wrote those curved space parts as well and tried to wrap the whole thing up as best I could. Literally in a sense besides trying to accomplish much more important things, what I also was doing was trying to buy more time to finish up that stupid book and get a better understanding of 4 dimensional thinking. It was intuitive both in wanting to know it, and in learning or teaching myself about it, at the same time. It had to come out. Life simply was just trying to find the right circumstances to have time to 'learn' about it, though I knew I already knew it. Writing the 5D notes actually let me keep working on the same ideas without obsessing on the project as a whole, while doing the other more important things. ...My New Dodeca-Toy and How It Potentially Aligns My Futures and Pasts,
4/16/2007, jareddubois.blogspot.com (jareddubois.com)
Polsci.com, in addition to the above and as mentioned in RCP2, was to be my ark. I had lost my name as a domain, decided to take most of what I had written before, combine it with the new things still unformed and forming, notably 2D 3D 4D 5D Thinking Made Simple and its Notes, with of course as the name suggests, things about politics. I had no illusions that the road I was embarking on was of any particular long duration, so every "issue" was to always be a capstone, if not a headstone. Finishing it off for now, and as always maybe for always, in Hawaii was far further along than I had intended when I began it, but it was sweet.Outsiders Looking In, Sarkocrats, Russian Arks, and my Ark,
5/31/07, jareddubois.blogspot.com (jareddubois.com)
The question of deciding when the 5D Notes began is not an easy task. What is the beginning of anything? Even of yourself, you cannot say you began when you were born. To understand how that came about, you would have to include the story of your parents, and how they came to get together. Then you would have to say where they came from, and so on and so on. Everything's beginnings are obscure, a hazy line of what you think is relevant which produced the outcome you wish to say is separate from what came before it. So too it is with my deciding when my self-titled “5D Notes” began.
To go back to the earliest point in a nearly contiguous line without years of gaps in-between, I would have to say the earliest possible answer would be with the Heretic Papers. Like the 5D notes, the Heretic Papers were mostly short paragraphs written compulsively on a variety of topics with no particular theme or segue between them. They were just bits of thought of things which I did not work into Towards Tomorrow when it ended but could not stop writing or thinking about them either, beginning pretty much to the day after finishing it. After getting a lot of these notes together, I thought they were pretty good, and that they should be put together somehow into a collection, for myself only, for me to reread them at later times. And I then called this the Heretic Papers.
But the overall theme if it could be said to have one was not the same as in the 5D Notes. Some of the thematic ideas within the Heretic Papers found a new form in Deconstructing the Universe which started shortly after gathering together these notes. In some ways Deconstructing the Universe was a reformation of the Heretic Papers into something less heretical and more organized and (somewhat more) coherent.
Yet there is a great difference between how I thought before and after Deconstructing the Universe. In many ways you could say I had become a different person, I had grown somehow. So though the form was the same and the time frame was a year or so (or less) between the Heretic Papers and my new dividing line of when the Notes began, I would have to say another beginning came after Deconstructing the Universe was finally done, though short paragraphs were also included at the end of it as well, thus further blurring an exact point of a beginning of the 5D notes which came after.
When working on PolSci.com (the first one) in early 2004, I then first put the notes into an organized form and called them the 5D notes. They were published before that on the Internet as just a group of paragraphs and sentences about 4D space, time, and other topics like that, with politics and other social comments as well thrown in. When deciding at that point where to start it, I drew the line at when I moved to Lithuania before starting school. At this beginning point, I figured it started with a series of drawings called the Dimensional Contortionist Escape Artist, and mostly free-formed out of ideas about multidimensional thinking. It was just an explosion of thoughts forming around ideas about time and space which became a running theme in the 5D notes, and this was a valid starting point to choose, but not the correct one. ...
...All of that and more summed up for me in one single line in the Pre-Notes. (The 5D stuff is even far more concentrated in what a few words here and there mean to me and the concepts and models of thinking they represent.)Hazy beginnings, Abrupt Ends, Dreams Overshadowing, and Concentrated Notes,
(summer 2006) jareddubois.blogspot.com (jareddubois.com)
There are things that I would write that I know ahead of time. Ideas which come at once which have a lot more depth to them than just an idea, almost like remembering an entire book by the title, except sometimes for me they are of things I have not written yet. I just remember them almost whole. RCP may or may not be one of them. Life, the external environment, just selects which ones actually will get done, made, played out.
The Notes I keep have a lot of ideas which I know in shorthand that represent things which are very long and complicated which I have not written yet, many which I never will, and some I would not even want to. ...RCP Complete, 4/18/07
... There were a lot of references to things others could have pieced together in the 5D notes, and more importantly, they were a means to try to map my own mind as it was rebuilding. A lot of what I wrote in the notes I was asleep when first thinking of or had just woken up and was semi-conscious. They are notes to myself and provided a good way for me to get a handle on my own thoughts. ...
After the accident, closer to it than away from it, I was getting very smart again but in a way completely uncontrollable. Nothing of the semi-conscious ideas which I had begun writing down got its teeth into me more than what became 2D 3D 4D 5D Thinking Made Simple (not in this case a shameless plug because it became integral to setting up everything that followed as much as outside factors did), something I woke up writing and continued obsessively working on literally until and after I was thrown out the door for not paying rent for not doing anything else except working on it. It was not exactly a compulsion because I did not really enjoy working on it as I mention in the notes, its just I could not not work on it. Some would say, that a compulsion alright. I was a bit turning into Philip K. Dick more than I should have (I found out about him much later), but I knew that somehow someway that whatever-it-was was going to be important later.RCP2, 12/7/05
Most people's view of history and time is necessarily 1 dimensional to me. We record only what did happen and forget or cannot know, if outside of our perspectives, what might have or could else have happened. I know within the frame that I work within, what else I might have done and some of the effects which would have followed from them. Time "chunks" as I call them in the notes. Also referred to as, “For most people the future is what it will be and will be only 1 thing, for me the future is what it was and was many things.” Not the only interpretation on that but the one most relevant to what I am writing now. ...
... Since the notes are written in the margins of the original Deconstructing the Universe notebook, sometimes I reread where what I am writing now is overlapping what I wrote then, 2 years ago, and how they randomly match up or don't. ...Notes Part 3, Spring 2005
This "Centerfields" re-compilation (of the notes) was originally intended to deal with selecting all notes dealing with (and thus combine them or put them altogether) center-out geometry and center-out perspectives of others (points of view on ALL topics), or oneself over time, and thus is far more central to what the notes were originally about. That being; to frame ideas which otherwise would have been used in 2D 3D 4D 5D Thinking Made Simple, as the Pre-notes grew alongside it and the similar things going on at the time to sort them out. Like the "Paradox" collection, this outgrew its original intent and it too delved further back in time to "before the notes", but it seems a nice encapsulation of these types of notes and the overall 4D, 5D ones which began it all.
As I said in the introduction to the notes, I could not afford time-wise to work on the project as the concepts took too much time and most of my awareness to sort through. I was in Europe, about to go to school and trying to figure out how to pay for it and be able to stay there long enough to graduate, so little notes and drawings on concepts about 4D space were all I could afford time-wise. At this point the 5D Notes really were living up to their future name, later ascribed looking back when compiling them. This was Part 1 of the notes, while in Lithuania, hanging out, bike riding, learning on my own about the region I was to study, and getting ready for my studies, more or less.
I took everything I had written of the 5D notes and posted it (January 2004), I think to alt.physics and alt.physics.????. I did not really understand all of the concepts fully which I had written in this post, what was later called by me, the Notes Part 1, but that is what they were written for, to sort things out by re-reading them later to get a handle on them. As I mentioned later, it also was me getting a handle on my own thoughts as my brain was reorganizing itself after the accident. I could not do a lot of things mentally for awhile, and the math that I was used to was beyond me, but other things were coming up to take up the slack. As I mentioned in RCP2, it was kind of like starting over again mentally with a clean desk. ...
The ideal way for this to play out, I acknowledged, was for those in a position to approve such things, ideally those who carried them out, to be the ones to call for an inquiry. In my notes at the time I put it as “2nd Church- ask for”. Later I expanded that a bit because if I abbreviate something a bit too much, I can forget what it was supposed to mean. More fully to remember it later, it became “2nd Church (Commission, who should) ask for”. I chose at the time to believe, as many I think did, that given the chance those who did the worst most illegal things under the Bush Administration, would when the time came, be willing to go public themselves. To think otherwise might have been more accurate, but who would wish to more accurate at the expense of giving people the benefit of the doubt to be so less human as to feel no guilt, no remorse, and be content not to come forward if given the chance, but to instead to choose to keep such things buried forever?More on Obama's reducing Torture to merely bad judgment,
certainly not a crime, 5/27/2009, TruthRevival.org
As I have written before about things like this, I can see how the same concepts and ideas have crossed my mind and crisscrossed my experiences at different times in my life, and this idea of curved space has come up at various times and various ways in drawings and other things. I did not see it clearly at the time, but they connect together, different aspects of the same elephant so to speak. Eventually forced to deal with or meet these concepts head on, I have a bigger experience pallet to see how they fit together over time and the perspectives I was being moved towards, sometimes quite unwelcome, but in a logical progression. The 2D 3D 4D 5D Thinking Made Simple and the related "5D Notes" were logically deducible from recurrent themes, images, concepts, drawings, and imaged 3D and 4D sculptures, in my life, almost predictable or preordained to be written or drawn eventually. I did not wish to always think in or along such lines or about such things, but always saw it as a road or set of events reappearing at different times and stages of my life in different ways. ...Still here; Charles Williams novels;
Not going Galt (or Gault) anytime soon anymore,
4/5/09, jareddubois.blogspot.com (jareddubois.com)
This is something I have put off writing for a long time now. Similar to how I never wanted to end adding to Deconstructing the Universe, this is a set of writings I never wanted to actually get around to starting. Since it is focused almost exclusively on the past, and will be limited mostly to things already written about extensively and were accepted into the general record of life, I don't see it as being that much dangerous anymore, but it was sometimes daring, or seemingly so, at the time.
With most things I write, they are written all at once without revision. Though they seem to be what I call 'one offs', they actually are mulled over and written and rewritten either consciously or in the back of my mind until the moment when I am ready to write them. Or when time runs out if I think they are or might be important later, and must suddenly commit to writing them down. As mentioned in the last paragraph, though I think it is more boring and less confrontational or relevant to rehash these things now, every time I thought of writing this, it always was different. So rather than it 'gelling' in my head over time, it was more of the 'waiting until the last minute' variety of writings.
What did not change whenever I thought about writing this, was the overall purpose of this intended blog or set of writings: to bring together all of the things related to the much later (after the fact) titled 5D notes and put them in context with 2D 3D 4D 5D Thinking Made Simple as it developed, and all related writings. I also when thinking about this project always intended to backdate this or start this at the end of Deconstructing the Universe, except for its 'revisions', or since I don't actually revise things that much, its reinterpretations through 'redefining additions'. In this case eight 'chapters' or short essays which were later added on to Deconstructing the Universe. These basically were what I was writing to get a new perspective on what I had previously written, which simply accelerated over time covering more and more topics I had never intended to cover but saw later as related.
Part of this is what conscious does always or how it works. Take something that happened, create new times thinking about it, and create a new perspective on what it was that happened, often getting further and further away from what it was at the time, to get some perspective on it. Getting perspective on the act of getting the perspective on getting of perspective, it became more and more about. Indeed, the last thing written after keeping adding to it, just short notes (like the 5D notes) when I was happy with a new ending, the final note at the end of it was actually called 'Perspective'. After that 'revised through amendments' version was done, I wrote this below...
Taking Deconstructing the Universe from its original form (with two supplements or 1.2 by the measurement used now) to its new 1.8 more than double-sized present form from January to June 2003 was the best time I had writing, living, and growing in my life. Growth IS life, if not your body growing, then your mind or consciousness through learning, growing and expanding to ever new and more exciting wider horizons. This however began to make me selfish. If I had my way, I would just have forever added to it and never bothered to release it. Though that probably never would have been possible, a car accident and Time Roads, both the words version and the kind we live through, demanded my life change and demanded a new and different direction for the future, away from expanding this work. It was done before the accident, but it was done many times before that as well, and before the Terms section was added, and before the Key Ideas section was added. Like I said, I would have preferred to let the world go by and stay here on Maui locked in time and working on it forever, yet all things must pass. The future is uncertain, but isn't it always? That should never surprise us, but it always does. You may not learn anything from reading it, or you might, but I could more than fill all of the books in all of the libraries in the world if I tried to explain how much and in how many ways I have grown as a person in getting to its end. My future and the completion of Time Roads is uncertain. The only thing that is certain is that at least for me it will come as a surprise as my map of the future ends here, and it is time to start bumping into walls again, to begin building a new one.
Also noteworthy in the same vein, the above mentioned 'Perspective' which will appear here later, was one of my favorite of the Seabirds from the notes, about getting perspective by recreating the past mentally after the fact. This is that item from the lengthy set of notes and from the Seabirds...
To have a sense of self, you need time to look back on what you experience to remember it and (you) alter the experience by building up a newer revised identity out of what you remember and (by) the new act of remembering (it) (connecting them to new events you did not know at the time you were experiencing them which came later.) Without these new times stringing together multiple times, there can be no "reflective" self to be aware of beyond current perception. In regards to other people in your environment, it is inverted. There is only the current perceptions of them and experiences of them without directly accessing their memories (or their own sense of identity built up through their past memories of events), or sense of self they tell you, or you learn of them to attempt to gain predictability to their future potential events based upon your own remembered experiences of their supposed pasts. Ultimately without gleaming insight into their pasts via your own (building) past memories of them or of other similar people and events to associate them to, others in your environment exist only in the now, in relation to you, as you would exist only in the now if you had no memories of your own. By not having recollection of something's past states, it becomes more externalized. The more memories and knowledge of the past (of it) shared and in common, the less distinctions between the "otherness" between you and others in your environment, or of the objects and the environment (as a whole) itself.
The 'becoming a different person' thing I will now address here a bit differently than as it was covered before in the Seabirds post from the TruthRevival.org blog, and as mentioned in the quote above. By trying to sum up repeatedly Deconstructing the Universe, I was trying to 'get on top of' why or how I wrote it, to get a new perspective upon it. Each time I did, I added something new to the mix and again, tried to get on top of that. This added or went in ways I was not seeing clearly at the time, driven by trying to get a definitive perspective on what I had written. When the so-called (much later, 9 months) 5D Notes began, this was a constant process. Though about many different topics and kinds of topics, and like I said before about things just popping into my head, often when I was falling asleep or just waking up, there was a kind of continuity in writing it to me. I would reread the most recent of the notes and then add a bit to it, or try to extend it a bit further.
That is why I like the 'raw notes' much better than the compilations or 'taking out the parts that make sense or are actually about something away from the chafe'. The same idea sometimes is recurrent in different ways shortly after, or the same approach is taken upon a seemingly different topic. When first trying to sort out these later notes, I mentioned that they can be sorted out any number of ways. The filtering out of ones I think were good were, roughly in the correct order (from Polsci.com) : All Good Things, Growth, Perceiving through everything, Events, Death, Direction, Trees, Democracy DOA, One Paradox please- with Reality on the Side, Potency, Power, Key Ideas from (Notes part) 3, Parmenides & Time Balls, Best of Notes 4, Quickies, and Centerfields. And the ultimate, most sharply pointed recompilation or distilling of the notes, "Fearlessness takes back power- Fear sells out freedom for 'security'".
Like the above mentioned constantly trying to get perspective on the past or what was currently happening constantly pushing me to new levels, sometimes unintended but in a logical progression of sorts, as I wanted to put it above, a kind of trawl net fishing so to speak of catching everything and sorting it out later approach to perspective, this blog/set of writings was/is to be a more definitive look back at all the notes and all that led to and influenced them.
Unlike my other blogs, TruthRevival.org and JaredDubois.com, this is focused completely upon the past where the others, like most blogs, are about new things, or recently new things just sliding into the past. With this, I know where it ends. I stopped adding to the notes in 2007 so for now, barring revisions or amendments which would come much later, I know how it ends. That is more than I knew when I was writing them at the time. But to clarify that last sentence so as to not appear to contradict the main body of the notes itself, I now know one of its ends. Stolen from what I will be writing here shortly from the earliest of things I will be putting here, "To understand the end, you have to travel through all the parts from the beginning. To understand the beginning, you have to understand the ends." Note that even then, I had that as plural.
The only way I can say I don't understand where this blog or set of writing is going since it is about things already written, posted already in one place or another, is if I start up again with writing more. By the end, that desire was literally drained out of me completely. Still, the main body, what I call the 5D notes part, was written because of having to cover topics in my head before writing them in 2D 3D 4D 5D Thinking, which will be included and covered here as well. So since now is the time I would restart that project, if I do actually add more to it, writing notes again would be necessary to some degree. I will decide that once I get to the end here of where the notes ended in 2007, Notes Part 6.
The only real way to get perspective on anything is to stop it, or stop it from changing, evolving, or growing. Once you do, you can get that ultimate perspective upon it. The price is having to kill it to get that. Anything else is provisional upon what has not happened yet that you only think you can know. The good thing about how I currently look at time is that that is impossible. It can, will, and does go in any number of ways. Most phases creatively in my life usually last only a few years before wanting to do something new and different. Encapsulate the past, get some perspective upon it, and move to newer more unknown territory. (Quick quote saying something similar, yet more extreme, from the Notes Part 2, still many posts away the way I chosen to do this: Rate of evolution- how quickly something grows into something which its previous states, which it is a direct continuation of, seem foreign or far removed. Conceptually, I am evolving far faster now. The quicker you make your furthest reach the new norm and regroup and solidify that (new) position, the more you gain greater abilities to expand into new areas. A conceptual battlefield type of advancement of conquering, not places as in the land example, but of times and others potential realizations of ideas, making theirs your own (before they can ever have the chance to)) Something yet to be conquered, some new ability not developed, some new perspective not considered by anyone yet. This is only one look back at a very mind-warping fast-changing perspectives switching in a very narrow segment of my life. Once that is done, maybe I will reboot it with just a little of that curiosity, till I get bored with it again. Luckily it no longer seems necessary.
Some of these rehashed notes below I can't place in time. They are from around the time I will start, at the very end of the original Deconstructing the Universe in late 2002. Some of them may be a few months older. No way to tell or of the correct order for some of these. But to restart them now, I have to pick somewhere to start, so it might as well be with these and in this order. A roll of the dice...
(Added onto the last page immediately at the end of Deconstructing the Universe's last original part (8), In The End and In the Beginning...)
I know not whether mind, consciousness, soul if existent, was born in this reality or entered into it. What I do know is that this reality can no longer contain it. It must, can, and will grow beyond it. It is inevitable.
Every day is a joy and every living thing a marvel.
(and from other pages around the same time, Nov-Dec(ish)
2002...)
Non-linear time and event spacial reality.
Potentiality is the only reality. Existence, actuality, is only an effect.
(Whether it is better) To make a dumb person smarter or a smart person smarter.
Mass from motion. Motion stops, mass disappears.
Whirlpool made up of energy feeding upon itself. (was the central idea of the last chapter/essay, "In the End and in the Beginning," at the end of the original Deconstructing the Universe collection so may actually come from a few weeks before.)
Existence collapses probability waves. Still movement (existence in a form) passing through probability waves wakes creates the appearance of moving forward through time.
(related drawing) ))) Probability waves movement -> )))))
)))o{{{{{{ <- appearance of time moving forward
Between being and not being. Undecided is neutral.
To understand the end, you have to travel through all the parts from the beginning. To understand the beginning, you have to understand the ends.
Never was an endeavor more destined to fail more vital to succeed.
Let them be- if you don't feed them, maybe they will go away. The politics of nothing left to lose.
Donut -> dimension wrapping -> oscillating circles in to out (added later) -> balloon in to (,??) around
Self (as) guitar. Left hand (all) else. Right hand (you, your existence) hitting string. (about interplay within an environment and being a part of environment necessary to interact, the right and left, the you, the not you, both 'hands', mirrored, necessary to both be the same thing yet opposite too. One is you, the physical you, one is everything physical that is not you, in that way opposite and the same thing, and interplay between creates the 'music'). (added roughly at same time) Inner walking (through?) outer in negative space (within lack of objects environment necessary to move within? Not really much clue about that part.)
Forestall, forestall, forestall. Always positioning to do ever greater good and bad and never committing until that last possible moment and always remaining unsure up until then which and what will define the rest by, and to which perspective it ought to be seen in as being the most accurate or fair. Ever in doubt of whether I really wish to help the world or squeeze from it every thing I can, crush it like an empty beer can and discard it over my shoulder, forever going back and forth so that neither or both (perspectives) can never or only describe me, existing foremost as the motion between.
I seek to defy all limits place on me by God, Man, the Universe, time, or this reality on what I can know or become. Not to overcome, not to rule, simply and forever to attempt to always move one step beyond the bounds of what is real, proper, practical, prudent, or possible.
Self-doubt not only defines and shapes my personality, it practically has become my personality. I take perverse pleasure in purposefully spoiling or missing every opportunity to do something meaningful, something that will improve my self-image or self-worth. To hurt the world by paralyzing that one life I have control over, for which no one but me can know it to be anything wrong, for from others' points of view, it is my right to do so. Yet this feeling (of self-doubt which) I have come to identify with so strongly I know is something I have superimposed upon something inherently good which will in the end re-emerge somehow inevitably. Doubt, fear, anger, they are the constructs. The need to do something and be something, they are the realities which inevitably cannot be suppressed indefinitely. Though who I am currently has wished it to be so, I know I am fighting a losing battle, arguing an untenable point of view, trying to forestall the inevitable, and that sooner or later I must yield to what I want to do and be, and that I cannot keep getting in the way of that, of myself, forever.
Its amazing the wonders a mind can stumble across when set free to wander, follow its whims and conjectures without fear of gods or governments, villagers with pitch-forks, or men in white lab coats, who might otherwise inevitably be thought to step in at some point and say you are going too far. Oh, how the constructs which we invent keep us from knowing all that we are or ([added later:] seeing all that we) can be.
Though it is most assuredly an acquired taste, I have learned to look at whatever humanity does without personal judgment and simply find it intriguing. Without qualifying it, quantifying it, or categorizing it, without judging it, you can see it for what it really is. What that is is how you choose to see it, so trying to see beyond or within without personal precepts, predictions, or biases is often the only way to see beyond it, to see through it, to what lies beneath.
You can’t say any person or species does not know the answer to a question they never formulated. No matter how large or small their brains may be, or how functional, you have to credit them for being able to say, I never thought about it. Only someone or something that desires an answer or an explanation for something could be said to be possessing or lacking of it. Needing it or wanting it creates the states of having and not having it. If one neither needs nor wants nor has use for an answer or an idea, possession, realization, or actualization of it becomes meaningless. (was later placed at the beginning of Deconstructing the Universe)
Life gives you experiences with one hand and immediately takes them away with the other. Whichever ones you struggle to hold on to, to try to remember, that is your choice. It should be what you think was important or what is relevant to you. What you miss or forget, really forget, not block out, suppress, or are unable for a time to recall, eventually might as well never have happened at all, for they failed to make an impression. Like life giving and taking away experiences, the Universe, God, or circumstance gives you life and then snatches it away, then possibly gives it back. What you can retain of it, what you can take away from it, if anything, it will be what made the most impression upon you.
(Note: Don't really know the dates of all of the above, within a year or so after the first few, but it might be a correct order or not that far from it. They may be repeated in later posts from other retrospectives at dates closer than now to when they were written, and if so, that order may be more accurate.)
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